just so You know i still feel.

Yesterday's service has really impacted me, kinda rekindle that lost flame that once blazed in my heart.

i've always believed that God is real, or at least a Higher being over-looking every individual lives, so to speak.

Or maybe to some, i'm just being religious or 'more into the spirituality'.

What ever it may be said of, i know that this small little box in my heart that was once empty has been filled with a presence; nothing in this world, living or non-living can fill. That is true enough for me to believe that this Higher being is evident and living - none other than a Spirit, Holy and Pure, named God.

'What say you?' isn't my focus in this entry.

Rather i feel Ari (Indonesian celebrity), what he testified of his life. Called a Christian, attending church in the weekend, but still continue to sin in the weekdays wasted with alcohol and drugs. That story mirrored my life, in some areas.

i need to go back to where i once was called. But not literally to where or what i used to be or do. i hated that. i left because of that.

i need a fresh walk of life. a fresh beginning. as though one who knew not this God, this Higher being but is curious and hungers for understanding of it.


i've questioned myself. unbelief.

i've weighed the odds. burdened.

i've brood over the past. hurting.

i've reminisced. indulgence.

i've even doubted. failures.

but

i want to try again.
i want to go back to Him.
to say very much i'm sorry...



*smiles*
where's my firm stand i used to have?
here i am, being what i used to be; emo-ing again.